No man wants to be contained

We want to be the leader of the pack, dangerous to the enemy, and limitless. 

Most of all though, each and every one of us has a deep desire for calling in our lives; a calling to something larger then ourselves that gives us meaning and the chance to leave a legacy.

But how many of us are truly listening for it? 

Over the years, I have spent a lot of time outdoors; camping weeks at a time growing up. With seemingly no boundaries, I could be wild and free; a dream come true for any boy.

Laying in the tent at night, it was quiet enough to clearly identify each unique call of nature; an experience that was quickly lost upon returning home.

And while I never once questioned my safety, there was always a sense of danger and vulnerability in the wilderness; the unpredictability only enhancing the experience.

I’ve come to realize that one of the reasons this setting has always been so appealing to me is the contrast it offers to my regular routine; a routine that feels anything but natural. 

Surely most of us feel our world is far from the natural, and original design. 

Almost daily, I have a deep sense that life is not what it was meant to be; that something is missing. I often question if we benefit from the demands our society places on us and consider what it would look like to abandon them. 

In the book and accompanying film, ‘Into the Wild’, Christopher McCandless did just this; literally vanishing into the Alaskan wilderness to seek a life not bound by cultural status. While his life ended in tragedy, one cannot help but be inspired by this young man’s bold action to take control of his destiny.

Structure is undoubtedly valuable for society, but it also aims to control certain aspects of our lives. We are told who we ought to be and given clear steps to achieve just that. It can be incredibly difficult to find our true self and calling here because we are bound to certain paths and expectations.

It was for this reason, that I reached a point where I felt it necessary to temporarily pause certain areas in my life that felt too constricting, including regular attendance to church services.

To be very clear, I love the church and all it stands for; but at a time of great difficulty in my heart, it had become a place of distraction to me. Like a city, the noise, pace and schedule of it all had made it hard for me to simply hear and identify the unique call God was placing on my life. 

At no fault of anyone’s, I personally needed quiet in my faith; space to listen for Him, seek Him, and genuinely encounter Him. As Psalms 46:20 says, ‘to be still and know‘ or Psalms 62:5 which speaks of ‘waiting in silence’

This couldn’t happen during a set time, in a pre-established building, or through the words of someone else. 

Simply put, this call needed to be heard in isolated wilderness; away from the safety and familiar comforts I had grown dependant on. 

It’s true, like a domesticated dog, I had become dependant on prepared meals or messages, from others to feed my faith. So much so, that I had completely lost the ability and motivation to provide for myself… and that was very problematic to me.

Further, I took no accountability for my own lack of growth; instead blaming it on the quality of the food and fellowship I was being fed each week… this too was very unhealthy and troubling within. 

For me, it was absolutely necessary to leave the house and get lost in the wild for a period of time. To wait on God’s personal call, and then closely follow it back home. 

Of course, this didn’t come easy; many sleepless nights, dry spells with little water or food, and overall discomfort likened to a true survival situation. This was anything but a clean hike; it was messy and dangerous; regularly questioning what I was doing and how my seemingly erratic decisions were impacting my family and myself.

Yet, through all these great risks, I did indeed hear the Call and have been greatly rewarded by it; being provided a renewed sense of purpose and meaning in my heart. 

For once, I am able to be untamed and wild in my faith; Like a lone wolf, boldly running without hesitation or boundaries.

Through my core survival, I am stronger and better balanced to enter back into the cities with more self-awareness.

I have grown in the confidence that regardless of what I face…

God, my Keeper, will provide and protect