We can fill our lives with many things… possessions, passions, and power; yet nothing will ever replace our most basic need for belonging.

At our core, each one of us has a deep longing for acceptance.

When healthy, our family should provide this comfort to us; a father acting as the primary source.

It is the difference from being in a home, and feeling ‘at home’ 

I am grateful this was the case for me; having a stable, loving place that allowed me to let my guard down. I was free to be myself; to be creative, to explore and to wonder with no worry of failure. 

For many though, this was not their experience; instead feeling like an outsider in their own home. In this environment, a child is restrained and suppresses their curiosity in fear of making a mistake.

And then there are those whose upbringing was one of wild inconsistency; changes from one day to the next. This exhausting rollercoaster leaves one uncertain and on guard; anticipating what lies ahead.

Regardless of what our experience was, each one of us will carry those early years into all future aspects of our lives; shaping our expectations of others and ourselves. 

As our lives become more complicated, we naturally lose the childlike traits we once had; trading them in for what we believe is now expected of us. More demands, bring more expectations, which ultimately bring more burdens we carry day after day.

In my life, this was characterized by internal checklists I would keep. Like an ongoing performance review, my heart was in a constant state of self-measure. Comparing myself against others around me, I created a sort of false-self that would act as the ideal person to display in front of others. 

If we are honest, along the line, all of us men establish these standards and ideals that we strive to live up to; yet often there is no foundation beneath them.

For example, though my dad never demanded anything of me, at some point I began to believe he did. As a result, I strived to live up to what I thought were his expectations of me; to be the man that would make him proud. All the while, allowing this false standard that had no basis to enter my life; a lie established as truth.

These same standards could be found in parts my marriage, friendships and sadly, my relationship with God; adopting a belief that only by keeping certain routines… and keeping them well, was I worthy of His love. For a young man who cared very much about his standing before God, this was an overwhelming weight to bear on my shoulders.  

In time, the pressure of it all became too much, ultimately causing me to check out. From the outside, I continued to put on a good show; but inside, there was emptiness.

This would continue on for some time before a genuine and beautifully simple moment changed so much for me.

I can remember shortly after becoming a father, looking at my boys revealed an unconditional love that was unlike anything I had experienced. I knew, without question, that regardless of what they did or didn’t do, I would always love them the same; I was their father and they were my sons.

With this new perspective in my heart, I suddenly saw myself as a child through the eyes of my Heavenly Father.

Gone were the layers I had previously worn to hide myself. Instead, I was exposed to face the truth – which is, I am His son, and He loves me unconditionally.

Certainly I do mess up, disappoint and even displease Him from time to time… yet He loves me in all my faults. As Romans 5:8 says ‘while we were sinners…’ He demonstrated His greatest act of love to us. 

The opposite was true as well; doing more, while pleasing to Him, did not make Him love me more. Jeremiah 31:3 tells me He ‘loves me with an everlasting love’; unchanging. And Romans 8:39 promises ‘nothing’ will separate me from His love. Nothing.

All this time, I had been trying to be someone I wasn’t, and live up to my standard, when in reality, I had lost sight of Gods standard; which is… you are mine and you are enough.

You are enough

These three words, now written deep in my core, replace every empty list I once held; calling me to stop living in my head and like a prodigal son, run home to my heart to be reunited with my Father

In His presence, there is homecoming

In His love, there is belonging